Crying over.....

As I sit here, I cry over many things:
- over my mom, how much it still kills me inside that she is not with us anymore
- how I dont have any family here that cares about me
- how I dont have someone to turn to in time of need.

These are all very prevelant in my life and all making my heart break. I used to be fine without having someone special in my life, but I am finding that now I really miss that more then anything. I would love to have someone to turn to when I am hurting, or scared, someone that will just hold me and let me cry, wipe my tears away and tell me that it will be ok. Someone that I can curl up beside, and enjoy a movie, someone who isnt ashamed to take me out in public, someone who will steal those special moments by touching my hand or my shoulder, sigh.....

God the truth is I am really hating being single. It finally hit me, I dont want just sex, I want intmacy, love and compassion too. HEll, I want thoe whole damn package! I want to be made to feel like I am worth something.

Im stuck in a Catch 22 situation. Do I open my heart up fully, leaving myself vulnerable to being hurt, or do I keep it closed off. DAmned if I do, damned if I dont situation.

I truly thought being single was it for me. Had nothing to do with sex, hell I can give that up for as long as I want, not a big deal. It was more that I have only had the one bf and terrified of letting someone that close to me, emotionally and intimately.