Friendships

There are different categories of friends I find. The ones that will stand the test of time. The ones you dont talk to for years and when you do its like it was yesterday and then there are the friendships of convenience.

Sadly, I must admit I have several that fall into these categories, then again the more I think about it the more I come to realize that we all do. The question we have to ask ourselves, to determine their spot in our life is who is what.

That alone, is sometimes the most difficult to determine and can change over time as well.

Im not a perfect friend, hell no, but I do try my hardest to be a great friend, to the best of my ability. Maybe, there in lies the thing. Everyone is a friend to the best of their ability, to what they are capable of and willing to provide.

This year has made me see my 'friends' all in a different light. When I was at my lowest, who was there for me. Who reached out to help me when I was recovering from a major surgery, whose there to wipe my tears away when I am sad, who puts there arm around me and says its ok to cry.

There are days I just want to cut myself off from everyone and then see who really cares and tries to reach out. I know, not very nice to test my friendships, but Im at a loss these days. I close off at times I realize, but I do my best to reach out once in a while.

I am not the type of person to cut someone off completely, my trusting and hopeful nature I guess. However, this keeps up, I am seriously considering it.

I cant count those that I trust with my life, my secrets, and my son on one hand, hell on half of a hand.